Monday, 18 March 2013

The Brightest Star In The Sky

A few weeks ago I was on Facebook and I saw a status update (from a company, not an individual) saying that they were changing their profile picture in honour of Matilda Mae, a baby who had died in tragic circumstances and it linked to Jennie Edspires blog. A few clicks later I was sitting reading about the night Jennie found Matilda with tears steaming down my face. She was so so beautiful and the words hit me somewhere deep inside and all I felt was a deep, overwhelming sadness for Jennie, her OH, her children, her family, her friends and for little Matilda Mae.

Since that day I have often gone back to the blog and read other posts, and over and over again I find myself feeling the same overwhelming sadness for these people, on the day of Matilda's funeral I was sat shedding silent tears at my desk whilst watching all the stars light up my timeline. I don't know what it is about this family and this little girl that has affected me so deeply, certainly the beautiful and honest way Jennie writes evokes powerful emotions and has given me raw insight into their lives after Matilda's passing, however it is more than that. I cannot imagine how absolutely devastating it would be to lose a child under any circumstances, but to lose a baby in a blink of an eye to SIDS is one of the worst things I could ever think of. It is the very thing I spent hours obsessing over during each of my pregnancies, in their first years I'd often tiptoe up to their cots and put an ear towards them to check they were still breathing - sometimes I even do it now and Baby G is 3! What would I have done if they weren't? What would I do if I lost one of my children? The thought is just too awful and too upsetting to even think about...but that is Jennies reality and my heart breaks for her. I live in Kent so I will be taking my children to Matilda's walk in May and I will be explaining to them why we are there, whether they can comprehend what I'm saying at their age will remain to be seen. However I can help these people I will, however small and insignificant it might be. It sounds so bizarre but I will remember that little girl for the rest of my life, even though I was not even aware of her whilst she was living hers.

Matilda's story has also inspired me to get back in the blogging saddle, I have seen how amazing the blogging community has been over the past few weeks, the amount of support that has been fed through to Jennie and her family has been truly awesome...and that is something I want to be part of.

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